Yes, I gave up on love not because I don’t love you but because I know you don’t.
I tried really hard to make myself understand that it’s soon going to be alright. I apologized for everything I didn’t do. Because I loved you unconditionally.
Those long waits to see you. My calls and text that remained unanswered. For each time you lied, I convinced myself for that being your last. You were clueless about the emotional damage you did to me. I invested genuine emotions in you but maybe they were inadequate . As time passed by my wounds cracked open and the scars are hardest to heal. I slowly started giving up on you.
You slept sound, I befriended insomnia. I was left with disappointments and unanswered question. Maybe because you didn’t had one. You blamed me for everything. I know I made mistakes at times. Were they not forgivable? I fought for you, you fought with me. Was this my mistake?
In spite of you being so insensitive towards me, I hoped to make it for you. I did everything to please you so that you love me. Maybe I was nothing more than the smoke of your drag.
Do you remember the day when I begged you to stay? Your silence killed me every moment. How could you remain silent?
Couldn’t you see my tears? I stood there crying while you simply walked away.
I was drowning while you left me in the middle of the ocean. But in the fear of drowning, I learned to swim.
When my presence appeared to be unwanted, I realized it’s time to set myself free. It’s time to unlove. What did I lose? I lost my happiness and self-respect. I lost the ability to love someone again. My heart remained cold and bloodless. I feel numb. The saddest part is that I still don’t hate you. There is no place for love or hatred for anyone in my heart. I choose to be cautious and guarded. I cut all ties of forgiveness and revenge.
After a month,
“I am getting married, Bye”. My phone slipped out of my hands when I saw your message. You were getting married that too on my birthday. Did you even remember that? Did he care a bit? Or at all? But I had to reply something. So all I could say was,” Congratulations, I hope at least this relationship of yours last”. I felt a bit better thinking I’m not stuck anymore. I can live my life on my own terms now. I want to love again for sure but I will wait because when it happens it will be my last and forever one.
I am not scared of falling in love. But, I merely gave up on you.
PS: I have fallen in love again..this time with myself.
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